It's Almost Laughable . . . Almost

SPOILER ALERT: I'M OKAY NOW--don't anyone worry or make a pot of soup. I know how you Founders Park peeps roll! (Plus, I'm easily 50% better today--LOL!)

As the three six of you who read this blog (readership is up) may have noticed, I've been a little down in the guts lately (not dumps, guts).

I have this kind of funny condition called pancreatitis and every now and again it really becomes a pain in the arse.

Anyway, like I said, I've been a little sick because of my dumb pancreas lately.

SO . . . I wasn't about to complain when I got a sore throat 10 days ago. That seemed minor compared to the vital organ problem.

Or so I thought.

What started with a sore throat, turned to a razor-blade-like sore throat, swollen glands in my arms, and eventually an earache that reminded me of the "toddler years" for our kiddos.

And it's that earache that took me to my knees.

By Saturday @ 1am, I felt like I was living some Edgar Allen Poe short story--only the "beady eye" was in my "ear" beating and blinking. (Gross, but kind of funny, no?) It. Was. Miserable.

So, because like all of you, I enjoy a good trip to the ER at 2am on the weekend, I woke Dave up and asked/begged/demanded he take me to the ER. The pain was too much to take. (I think I may have been extra cranky with Dave because I'm pretty sure he could hear my ear throbbing while he slept. LOL!)

Lucky for me, Dave's used to me being a pain in the arse--in addition to my pancreas being one--and in a matter of minutes we were on our way.

Once at the ER (which was a brand new hospital, like months old), the Dr. determined I must have tonsilitis. He said I needed a steroid, pain medication, and an IV antibiotic. It all sounded good to me, so long as he got the flippin' drumline out of my ear.

And that was all it took! Just a couple of needle-pricks and I began to feel relief in my ear/throat.

I was so grateful.

That is, until the morphine hit my pancreas and LOCKED it into a muscle spasm like I've never EVER felt!

We're talking leg cramp and esophagus spasm all in one--only in the middle of my chest.

We're talking Sigourney Weaver in Alien (BTW--in case you wonder, there's not a shot I would have survived birthing our kids).

SO, as I began clenching my teeth, doing Lamaze breathing, and tapping my finger on the call button--screaming in pain--Dave called the Dr into the room. Together, they tried to understand my reaction to the medication. The Dr. was asking Dave all kinds of questions. I'm yelling. I think at Dave. Then I hear Dave say something about "15 years ago," and I'm thinking "Holy crap this could take a long time to get to 2010. We're still in 1995. Hurry up, Dave. Summarize. My insides are turning to stone." (Actually, now that I write this, I think I was referring to myself as Bella in the last Twilight book. When she had Esme. Cracking bones.)

And that's when I hear the Dr. say, "Well, morphine can cause spasms. Particularly in the bile duct--near the . . ."

drum roll please

pancreas!

Awesome.

Is this one of those coincidences I was talking about last week?

I go to the ER for a sore throat--NOT A PANCREAS PROBLEM--but I get to have a pancreas problem while I'm there?

Awesome.

Sometimes life is funny.

Really funny.

And sometimes life is painful.

Like, really painful.

But even when it's painful, it's still funny, too.

Don't you think?

(PS: I'm thinking about writing quotes for tea bags. Wonder if there's a lot of money in that? Or maybe Snapple lids?)